


Suffocation

by Jaymieleigh80



Series: Andi Mack: Discovering [1]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boyfriends, Coming Out, Coming of Age, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 20:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18351488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaymieleigh80/pseuds/Jaymieleigh80
Summary: TJ has kept his sexuality a secret from everyone in his life - his family, his friends, his teammates - for two years. He's now 16, and he's tired of hiding. Coming out is bound to be terrifying and life-altering, but he figures that finally being able to acknowledge who he is will finally allow him to breathe.





	1. Trepidation

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read either version of "Four Letter Words", it's important to know I envision this fic to be in the same Universe. Both boys allude to a memory of the day that TJ came out to Cyrus, and this is an expansion of what I envisioned that to look like. There may be a few inconsistencies, but overall it lines up. I really hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1: Trepidation  
*Friday Afternoon*

The walk home from school had been painfully quiet. TJ had barely spoken. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that anxiety began twisting into a knot in the pit of his stomach. He had barely said two words. When Cyrus asked if he was okay, he simply said he didn’t feel well, though TJ was certain the other boy didn’t believe him. 

He had arrived home more exhausted than ever. He couldn’t go on living this life that made him feel like two people, when really he just wanted to be himself. He was tired of expectations and pressure and hiding. He was going to tell Cyrus he was gay - and after that he intended to stop hiding altogether. It was time. As much as the thought terrified him, the weight of keeping the secret scared him more. 

He came up with a plan, one that he couldn’t back out of, because in the heat of the moment he knew he’d chicken out. If Cyrus already knew something was up, he wouldn’t let TJ leave without telling him what was going on. He picked up his phone, hands shaking ever so slightly as he scrolled through his phone, pulling up Cyrus’ contact. 

TJ: hey...sorry I was quiet on the walk home. I’m dealing with some things... I think I need to talk about the rest of my “stuff” Cy...swings? Please?

Underdog: TJ...I’m leaving for the weekend. I just found out. My great-uncle died apparently. I’ve never met him, but of course we’re leaving town now to drive who knows where...I’M SO SORRY...will text work? Are you okay?

The reply turned TJ’s world upside down. He hadn’t been prepared to psych himself up for a confession, only to find out it wasn’t happening. He typed out a response, hoping against hope he would fool Cyrus. He didn’t want him worrying. 

TJ: I’m so sorry Cy - give your parents my condolences. I’ll be fine, I promise. It’s not a conversation I want to have over text, but I’ll be waiting for you to get home. I’m okay - I just need my best friend. 

Underdog: I have my phone. Anytime day or night, you know I’m here. Please take care of yourself. The service is Saturday night, we’re driving back home first thing Sunday morning. I should be back by 10am. Swings at 11? There’s no school Monday, want me to sleepover? 

TJ: Yes please. Thanks Cy. See you Sunday. 

Fuck. The plan had been to tell Cyrus first, and then tell his parents. He wasn’t expecting his parent’s reaction to be negative - nothing about the way they seemed to view the world led him to believe it would be - but it was still terrifying and emotional, and somehow the thought of Cyrus knowing, silently supporting him, made the thought of telling them easier. But...here he was. He supposed he could bury the idea altogether, but the part of him that was so...tired...wanted to just have it done with. He sighed and made his way downstairs, palms already starting to sweat. 

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, both his parents were sitting in the living room, his father scrolling through his phone, his mom working on something on her laptop. He almost changed his mind. Almost.

He sat down on the sofa opposite his mother. 

“I-umm-I was hoping we could talk.” He cleared his throat to try and steady his voice. 

“Sure sweetie, what’s up?” His mother closed her laptop and looked at him questioningly. When he didn’t answer immediately, his father put his phone away and turned towards them from his spot on the chair across the room. 

He had to keep reminding himself that he had wanted to do this. His nerves were trying to derail him. He didn’t know how to start. Every word he could think of to say was dying on his tongue. 

Now both of his parents were looking at him intently, concern lacing their faces. 

“Son?” It was his dad that spoke this time. He moved across the room to sit on the other side of TJ, putting his hand on his shoulder as he did so. “Whatever it is TJ, we’ll work it out. Is it Math again? Do we need a different tutor? Basketball?”

TJ took a deep breath, silently shaking his head no as tears silently started to trail down his cheeks. 

“Guys, I’m- I’m- I think I might be - no, no I am. Not might be. I’m - gay.” The air suddenly felt too thick, like he couldn’t inhale. 

His mom was the first to break the stunned silence. “Oh baby, come here.” She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into her as she leaned back into the sofa. He sat cuddled up against her like he was a small child again, letting her run her fingers through his hair. “TJ, you get to be whatever you want. We love you no matter who you love. All we’ve ever wanted for you is to be happy. So if In the end you find someone that brings out the best in you, and someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated, then who cares what gender they are?” 

His dad nodded, and looked contemplative for a moment. “TJ, when you were born, it was the single greatest day of our lives. I had a whole list of things I wanted you to be. Kind, for one. And you always have been - minus a couple of years back when you went through that rough patch - which all teenagers do, by the way - you have always been unbelievably kind. I wanted you to be independent, strong and assertive. Needless to say, No worries there. I wanted you to like sports- not because it would make you “manly” but because I enjoy them and I wanted something we could share. We saw how that worked out, you are so gifted on the court. I wanted you to be happy TJ, because that’s what any parent who loves their kids should want. You know what was nowhere on that list kiddo? Straight. I could care less the gender that you’re attracted to, if they have strength of character and a good heart. I love you TJ. I always have and I always will. It’s unconditional.” 

It was like his dad knew exactly what he was worried about. His mom’s reassurance meant the world, but his dad - he knew where TJ’s fears were rooted. He knew the pressure to be athletic and strong and alpha-male. He understood toxic masculinity and the clambering hold it wanted to place on him, on society in general. And his Dad had just told him that none of those things mattered. 

TJ took a deep breath, and reached over and squeezed his Dad’s hand. “Thank you. Both of you. I love you guys so much, and I don’t really think I can convey how much your acceptance means. I- I just feel super exposed and emotional right now though - is it okay if I go back up to my room? I’m sure you have questions, and when I’m ready, I’ll talk. I just need - time.” 

His mom spoke softly. “Of course. Take all the time you need. You decide when you’re ready. We love you TJ.”


	2. Tidal Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ begins to process his decision, and realizes how much harder dealing with his emotions is when Cyrus isn't around.

Chapter 2: Tidal Wave

By the time he had made it up the stairs and down the hall to his room, the sobbing had started. He shut the door to his room and fell onto his bed, the sobs wracked his body as he desperately tried to not be heard. 

He knew he had just gotten the best possible reaction in coming out to his parents. What had just happened in his living room was the outcome some kids never got, though they so desperately deserved it. He felt loved and safe. And yet, he was wrought with overwhelming emotion and anxiety - for those who didn’t get the same kind of unconditional acceptance, for the fact that he was choosing to stop hiding. There was no going back and it was terrifying. The alternative, however was to live a lie - and TJ had done that for long enough. 

He thought again of his impending conversation with Cyrus. He was in no way scared of his reaction, Cyrus was the most kind, accepting person he knew. Instead, again, it was the thought of how being out could change his life. For nearly two years this very real side of TJ had existed unbeknownst to anyone but himself. It was easy for him to be straight passing - because the world was so god damn caught up in stereotypes and generalities. 

Being automatically regarded as heterosexual was a double edged sword that TJ had never figured out exactly how to wield. In some ways he was grateful that it had given him the space to decide on his own terms when coming out felt right - or as it was in his case, not just right but necessary - he was tired of feeling like he couldn’t breathe. On the other hand though, he also strongly disliked the fact that his prowess on the basketball court and the bold, independent streak he had been born with were traits that people only ever associated with heterosexuality. Because come next week (or however long it took people to figure it out - he certainly had no plans to formally tell anyone other than Cyrus and his parents), he would be identified as gay. But he would still kill it on the basketball court, he would still have an ease and confidence about him that seemed almost effortless. Because it was who he was. His sexual preference didn’t change any of who he was. He just wished the world could understand that. 

The only time that TJ had ever tried to leverage people’s opinions of him to his advantage was when he had first realized he was gay. Internalized homophobia was definitely a thing, and for the first few months he had possessed a self-hatred he didn’t think he was capable of. Couple that with the discovery of his dyscalculia, and he was like an angry hurricane that didn’t care what got damaged in its path. Buffy didn’t stand a chance from the start- she was good at basketball AND good at the math he couldn’t do? If it hadn’t been for the fact that he desperately wanted to make sure no one suspected his secret, he probably just would have been moderately irritated by Buffy’s presence. Unfortunately, self-preservation had been the only thing important at the time. So instead, TJ created a fake persona, one that was overtly sexist and angry and toxic. In the end though, he had only succeeded in hurting himself and Buffy, and almost destroying Cyrus’ most treasured friendship in the process. 

He flipped over onto his back to stare at the ceiling. The tears had stopped, and he rubbed at his raw eyes. He hated that he had ever been that person. Eventually though, through months of processing and reading and being real with his own feelings, he had come to the realization that there was nothing wrong with him. He hadn’t been ready for the world to know because the world was far from kind - but he had started on a journey towards self-acceptance. And he had been comfortable in that space, until the last 6 months or so. 

Lately though, keeping the secret had become a burden far too exhausting to carry. For one, the person he was closest to was Cyrus, and keeping anything from him, especially something that was such a big part of him, felt wrong. They spent a ton of time together, and TJ was completely comfortable with him. It had nearly gotten him in trouble numerous times. There had been sleepovers watching movies, feeling safe and relaxed with Cyrus, where TJ had to bite back comments about how hot the lead male actors were. Those same nights, in the wee hours of the morning, once they were in their sleeping bags, lazy, honest conversation rolling off their tongues, were the hardest. It was here that the boys had confessed some of their most personal thoughts - but TJ had been unable to fully take part, afraid he’d expose himself. 

He wanted to not have to fake being attracted to girls - around his team and his extended family - constantly being assuaged with comments about when he was going to get a girlfriend, because after all her was “so handsome” girls were surely falling all over him right? 

Girls were an entirely different problem in and of themselves. He hated having to come up with excuses every time a girl asked him out, or asked him to a dance. He hated trying to protect their feelings and let them down gently. The poor girls would probably prefer it if he were able to just tell the truth...at least they’d know it wasn’t them, it was definitely him. 

All in all it had just become too much. He was done being guarded and careful, tired of hiding from Cyrus for sure, but also from Andi, Buffy, Jonah and Marty. Over the last two years they had become his friend group as much as they were Cyrus’ - the six of them were inseparable. Which meant at some level they probably deserved to find out too. He’d figure that part out after he told Cyrus he supposed. Fuck - this truly was beyond exhausting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying TJ's journey!


	3. Unraveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor TJ's lonely process of self-discovery continues...

Chapter 3: Unraveling  
*Saturday*

At some point Friday night he had fallen into a fitful sleep, though he woke constantly throughout the night. When Saturday morning dawned he was a mess all over again. The realization of all that was to come was wreaking havoc on his psyche. He realized he hadn’t eaten since lunch on Friday, but the thought of food made his stomach churn. 

He told his parents he didn’t feel well and stayed in his room. He knew that they didn’t believe him, but that they were doing their best to let him process in his own way. He couldn’t think about anything other than his impending confession. He was stuck in a cyclical torrent of thoughts. He tried to distract himself with tv or video games, but it was pointless. His anxiety continued to steadily increase as the day went on. By late afternoon all of the emotion had woven itself together in his stomach, producing a violent wave of nausea. It had hit him hard, and he had launched himself from his room to the bathroom down the hall, barely getting the door shut behind him before vomiting violently into the toilet. Never before had TJ realized what a connection the mind and body had - and at this point he would have given anything to stop it. He felt utterly miserable. He briefly wondered how much the intensity of his feelings had to do with the fact that he was in love with the very person he intended on coming out too tomorrow.

At around 7pm his mom knocked softly on the door and pushed it open ever so slightly. He nodded to her, giving her permission to step all the way inside the room. He had been curled up on his bed - he rolled over to face her as she sat next to him on the bed. 

“ TJ, I’m so sorry sweetie. It’s all going to be okay. You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.” Her voice was soft and calm as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Can you eat love? Anything at all? It’s been almost two days.” 

TJ emphatically shook his head no. She must have been upstairs doing laundry when he had gotten so violently ill. He had hoped she had missed that. She sighed, and handed him a water bottle. “Then drink, even just a little. Like when you were little and got the flu, okay? I’m here. I promise, dad and I are both here.” 

He nodded, and had promised her he’d try to drink. She had kissed him on his forehead and left the room, shutting the door softly behind her. 

TJ had done as he was told, taking small sips of water and trying to shove away the nauseous feeling that would swirl in his gut every time he realized there was no going back. While he didn’t sleep at all Saturday night, he didn’t get sick again either, though he always felt right on the verge of hysterics.


	4. Torrent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last day and a half of anxiety come down to this...can he do it?

Chapter 4: Torrent  
*Sunday*

Sunday morning had dawned bright and sunny, the fraying of his nerves slowed ever so slightly by the breathtaking sunrise he had been awake to see. 

When Cyrus had texted around 8 that he was headed back home and would meet TJ at the swings at 11am, the short reprieve had ended. This was it.

And so he here sat, cross legged on his bedroom floor, hands shaking, tears falling. He had gagged while brushing his teeth, but somehow he had managed to shower and dress. This was it. He was terrified, he wanted to turn back, but the thought made him feel even more sick and upset. He would own who he was. 

Shakily he pulled himself up off the ground, grabbed his phone and headed down the stairs. His father had looked at him expectantly as he grabbed his jacket from the hook by the door. “Cyrus,” he said simply. His dad seemed to understand, and offered him a small smile. He quickly descended his front porch steps and prayed with every step that he’d actually make it to the park without passing out. 

 

*

 

He could see Cyrus’ dark shock of hair from across the park as he entered. While he was still reeling on the inside, just seeing Cyrus helped to calm him some. He had no intention of telling the boy how he felt about him, the motivation came from purely wanting to share his whole self with the brunette. There was a level of trust between the two that ran so deep, TJ felt guilty keeping this part of himself from Cyrus. He knew for a fact that he would accept him, the raging anxiety came from the simple fact that everything was suddenly so REAL. 

Cyrus turned from his place on the swings as TJ approached. 

“Teej! Hey! What’s - Oh my god - are you okay?”

TJ huffed a small laugh, running his hand through his hair as he sat on the swing next to Cyrus. 

“I look that bad huh?” He smiled weakly.

The brunette hesitated for a second, then clearly decided to go with honesty. “Umm - yeah - you do. TJ what’s wrong? I’m so sorry I had to leave for the weekend - seriously are you okay?” His eyes were filled with concern.

TJ’s voice was quiet, but determined. “No, Cy. I’m not okay. Not at all. But I will be.” The tears had already started to fall, silently painting tracks down his cheeks as he summoned all the remaining energy he had left.

Cyrus was now crouching on his knees in front of TJ’s swing. “Whatever it is Teej, I’m here. We’ll get through it, we’ll figure it out okay? I promise.”

TJ took a deep, shaky breath. “Cy - I - I need to tell you something. Something big.”

Cyrus nodded, never breaking eye contact with TJ. “Go ahead, I’m right here.”

He was shaking again. He clasped his hands together in an attempt to hide their trembling. “Fuck this is so hard. So fucking hard. You need to know - I want you to know - I can’t. Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with me? Fuck, I - I- feel like I’m gonna be sick.” He swallowed, desperately trying to bite back the bile raising up in the back of his throat.

Cyrus’ voice was soft but commanding when he spoke. “Hey, hey. Breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Again. Good. You’re doing so good TJ. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” 

His stomach settled just enough that he felt like he could open his mouth without being sick. Suddenly TJ felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t say the words. “Fuck Cyrus, I’m - I’m gay.” The words had finally spilled out and there was no taking them back. He couldn’t decide if the feeling was freeing or suffocating. He couldn’t bring himself to look up and meet Cyrus’ eyes. 

The other boy was quiet for a moment, and then suddenly TJ felt the soft touch of Cyrus’ hands on his own. “ Oh TJ...I’m so, so proud of you. Thank you for trusting me. I know how hard it is to say it. I’m gay too Teej.” TJ looked up to meet Cyrus’ eyes. He had hoped - oh had he hoped - but he had never let himself think much beyond that. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism. 

Cyrus took a deep breath before continuing. “ And as long as we’re going for the dramatic confessions...well - I - um- I like you. Like a lot. In a completely not platonic way”.


	5. Collapse

Chapter 5: Collapse

TJ was pretty certain that there wasn’t a word that existed that could describe how he was feeling in that moment. It was like every human emotion had spun together inside of him, creating an endless rush of sensations. It was terrifying, it was beautiful and it was exceedingly overwhelming. 

He didn’t trust himself to speak, he wasn’t even sure he had the energy to make his voice function as it was supposed to. Instead he stood up slowly, unsteadily, bringing Cyrus to a standing position with him. TJ looked directly into his eyes, silently asking for permission - as his eyes darted down to Cyrus’ lips. The other boy nodded almost imperceptibly. 

Suddenly he was cupping Cyrus’ cheek and leaning in. He touched their lips together, softly at first, then with more pressure. Cyrus kissed him back, a buoy of warmth and energy radiating from him. The kiss was short, and chaste, but it was necessary. “I like you too Cy. So much. I feel like I’m dreaming right now.”

And then, suddenly, the frayed thread that had been holding TJ together snapped and the dam broke. He started to sob, quietly, forehead rested on Cyrus’ shoulder, soaking it with tears as the other boy rubbed his back. Cyrus’ voice was soothing as he spoke. “Hey...it’s okay. I’ve got you. Do you think you can walk with me? Let’s go somewhere where we can sit. Church gets out soon, the park will be crawling with kids in a bit.” TJ nodded as Cyrus laced their fingers together. 

He led them to a small cluster of trees away from the hustle of the park. There was a picnic bench, but Cyrus instead sat underneath the tree, back against the trunk, arm around the blonde. 

TJ, for his part, cried. He cried tears of exhaustion and fear and happiness and gratefulness. He cried because he was so overwhelmed that nothing else seemed to make sense. Cyrus was there the whole time - just as he had always been - TJ realized, quietly offering support. He played with TJ’s hair, rubbed small circles into his back and gently hummed words of comfort. 

After about twenty minutes, TJ was finally spent. He was a hiccuping mess, eyes red rimmed and puffy. He inhaled a shaky breath, and met the other boys gaze. 

Cyrus spoke softly. “Feel any better? Or numb at least? Numb is to be expected - that was a lot of emotional energy. God - I’m so proud of you TJ. Emotions aren’t easy for you, I know that.” 

TJ cleared his throat, not trusting his voice. When he finally spoke it was rough and broken. “I’m not sure how I feel to be honest, I’m having trouble separating my emotions from sheer exhaustion at the moment.” He chuckled softly. It was meant to be a joke, but no words had ever felt truer.

Cyrus looked at him, his eyes soft but concerned. “I’m guessing you had planned on telling me on Friday? God, I’m so sorry Teej.” 

TJ waived off his concern. “Not your fault. I ended up telling my parents instead. I had to tell someone ya’ know?” He smiled weakly. 

“Yeah? They’re good? You feel safe?” 

“Yeah, I do. My mom was great, and my dad, he was amazing.” He was tearing up again - what was wrong with him?! 

Cyrus looked at him for a moment. “TJ...when was the last time you slept? Or ate? Or...I don’t know. You just - you look like you might literally pass out at any given second. “

TJ sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head on Cyrus’ shoulder. “Slept? Ummm Friday night I think. Ate? Friday at lunch. It’s been a rough couple of days Cy, like really, really bad.”

TJ opened his eyes and met Cyrus’ gaze. He began playing with his hands. “I - I don’t know. I’m not really sure what happened. I just, I knew I wanted to tell you and my parents...I was sooo tired of hiding. And it wasn’t that I was afraid of your reactions, it’s just - I don’t know, I knew everything would change. Like I was choosing to walk into this new reality that was going to be anything but easy. I - ugh. Is this making any sense?” 

Cyrus took his hand and squeezed it. “More than you know,” he whispered. 

TJ continued. “And then - I don’t know, I guess I started to panic and couldn’t stop? I usually lean on you when I’m upset - don’t apologize, you couldn’t help it - and before that I didn’t really deal with my feelings, so it hit me all at once I guess? First I couldn’t eat...then I couldn’t sleep...then I got physically sick. Let’s just say I’ve spent most of the last 36 hours crying and trying not to throw up.” 

“It’s called anxiety, and it’s a total bitch. I was younger when I came out the first time, and I hadn’t been holding it in for very long, but I had moments that were similar,” Cyrus quipped. “I am so sorry you were alone. ” Cyrus whispered. “I know I couldn’t help it, and I had no idea, but you shouldn’t have been alone.” 

TJ’s voice was quiet. “When did you realize you were gay?”


	6. Exhaustion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This boy needs some SLEEP. Can Cyrus help?

Chapter 6: Exhaustion

Cyrus was quiet for a moment. “I have so much I want to tell you, but not today Teej. At some point I’ll tell you everything you want to know, but today needs to be about you. We need to get you home, and in bed. I brought my stuff but I don’t need to stay, you need to sleep.” 

“Please don’t leave me Cy. I need you, I’ve needed you all weekend.” TJ didn’t even care how pathetic he sounded. 

Cyrus blushed, ever so slightly. “If that’s what you want I’ll stay, of course I’ll stay. It’s just - I have to ask - that - that kiss happened right? I wasn’t dreaming?” His voice was small, and uncertain. 

TJ scooted away from Cyrus ever so slightly in order to turn and look him in the eyes. “ Oh my god Cy, yes. Yes it happened.” He smiled softly. “Look I know I’m a delirious mess right now, but I promise, it’s real. I like you back. This - “ he motioned between the two of them “ - is happening, assuming you want it to. I may not be able to process much right now , and I’ve questioned a lot of things in the past couple of days, but how I feel about you? That? That’s never been anything other than certainty.” It was his turn to blush now. 

Cyrus laughed softly. “Nothing about today is going the way I expected.” He stood up and held out his hand to help TJ up. TJ took it, momentarily shocking himself when he realized how weak he truly felt. 

*

 

The boys ambled towards TJ’s house slowly, in comfortable silence. As they arrived and slowly ascended the porch steps, Cyrus stopped him. “Okay, so they know, but do they know what kind of shape you’re in?” 

“Yeah, they’ve got a good idea I think. I told them I needed time to myself Friday evening, and then I didn’t really leave my room all weekend. My mom was upstairs doing laundry when I started throwing up though, so I couldn’t really hide what was happening. She came in, tried to get me to eat and drink, you know, the whole mom thing. They’ve just tried to give me space. My dad knew I was meeting you this morning.” 

Cyrus Looked at him, an expression of sympathy and pride on his face. “God TJ, you must feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. So...are they going to care that I’m here?”

“I doubt it. I don’t open up to anybody but you typically, and they know that. They’ll probably be grateful you’re here.” TJ pushed open the door, to be met with the sight of his parents having coffee at the kitchen table. They looked up from their conversation as the boys entered.

His mom spoke first. “Hey kiddo. Cy! It’s good to see you!” She stood up and engulfed Cyrus in a hug. 

“Hi Mrs. Kippen, Mr. Kippen. It’s nice to see you too,” Cyrus replied warmly. 

TJ cleared his throat. “Hey guys, I know I haven’t been myself the last couple of days. Thank you so much for giving me space. So, um - Cyrus knows, just so we can get that out in the open. I could use a friend, is it okay if he stays since there’s no school tomorrow?” His voice sounded raspy and exhausted, even to his own ears. 

“Of course,” his dad replied instantly. 

His mom nodded, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. “Take care of my kid for me okay?” She glanced at TJ and smiled softly at Cyrus.

TJ instantly felt a pang in his chest. He took a step towards her, holding his arms out for a hug. He towered over his mom by an easy six inches these days. “Hey - I’m okay, I promise. I just need to sleep. I love you guys so much, I hope you know that.”

His mom swiped at the tears falling down her cheeks. “Of course I know that. But it still feels good to hear you say it.” 

“I promise he’s in good hands, I’m kind of overbearing when it comes to self-care, he’ll hate me tomorrow,” Cyrus joked and gave TJ’s mom a warm smile. “Lots of sleep is the first thing on my list.” 

*

Less than a half an hour later, after taking a hot shower and changing, TJ was lying comfortably in his bed, watching Cyrus clean his room. “You really don’t have to do this, you know.”

Cyrus chuckled softly. “I know. But I don’t mind and this way you don’t have to do it.” He tossed TJ a bottle of water, snagged from the fridge when he took a couple of used cups from TJ’s room to the kitchen. “Drink. Now. You sure you can’t eat anything yet?” 

“Without puking you mean? That feels unlikely.” TJ leaned back against his pillows. “I don’t get it. The big confessions are over, shouldn’t I feel better?” 

Cyrus surveyed the room and seemed to be happy with his progress, closing all the blinds with the exception of one set, which he tilted downward. The early afternoon sunshine poured into the room, creating a mottled pattern on the floor. He patted the bed next to TJ. “Can I sit?”

TJ shifted to make more room. “ ‘Course.”

Cyrus settled in next to TJ, though he remained sitting up, leaning against the headboard. He shyly offered his hand to TJ, who instantly took it and wove their fingers together. “Your body is essentially having an ‘anxiety hangover’. It was in fight or flight mode for two days - it takes awhile for your brain to register that you’re okay again. The best reset button will be sleep. Do you think you can sleep?” 

“Promise not to leave?” TJ was only half-joking. Cyrus always brought a calm and warmth that relaxed him. 

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got a book to read for English anyways.” Cyrus reached over the edge of the bed and into his backpack, pulling out a worn paperback. 

“Cy?” TJ said quietly. He had so many questions, it was hard to shut his brain off. 

“Hmmm…” 

“Does it get easier?” 

Cyrus sighed softly. “Teej...I don’t think I’m much further into this process than you are really. There is so much we can talk about and share and I’m honestly so excited about that. But...I’m also seriously worried about you. You’ve beat yourself up more than you know over the last two days - your poor body needs rest. Make sense?”

TJ sighed. “Yeah.”

Cyrus laughed softly. “Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ll be a worthless conversationalist at the moment. I can barely construct a sentence - I’m still so blown away that you like me back. I’m trying really hard to not overwhelm you but it’s hard to keep my emotions in check.”

TJ rolled over from his side to his back to be able to get a better look at Cyrus. “Hey, you don’t have to keep anything in check with me. I mean, did you see me a couple of hours ago at the park? Not really the picture of togetherness, was I?” He started absentmindedly playing with Cyrus’ fingers. 

Cyrus dismissed him with the wave of his hand. “That’s totally different. You had every right.” He stopped for a moment, appearing to be in deep thought. He squeezed TJ’s hand tightly. “ I’m so proud of you TJ.”

And with that simple statement, TJ watched as Cyrus laid down next to him, looking into his eyes. He brushed TJ’s hair from his forehead, his fingers causing a pleasant chill to run down TJ’s spine. He placed two fingers under the blonde’s chin and tilted his face upwards. Cyrus then placed the softest of kisses to the corner of TJ’s mouth, and then, with a tenderness that stunned him, to his lips. It was short and over almost before it had begun, but TJ would likely never forget everything it conveyed. 

“Sleep,” Cyrus stated, already sitting back up against the headboard. The commanding tone was back in his voice. 

“Already on it,” TJ mumbled softly as he finally felt the soft call of fatigue envelop him. “Thanks for being here Cy…”

Cyrus smiled and picked up his book. There was no need to respond, as TJ was already asleep.


	7. Rebuilding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ needs his Mom... ya'll ready for some Mother/Son fluff?

Chapter 7: Rebuilding

TJ opened his eyes, feeling completely confused. He looked around the room, trying to gauge the time. The morning’s events were slowly coming back to him, though he didn’t feel completely coherent. His eyes eventually landed on the back of Cyrus’ head, who was seated at TJ’s desk, working at his laptop. 

TJ sat up slowly, and grabbed the water bottle on his nightstand. He took a long drink, and noticed that his head was throbbing. Cyrus turned at the rustling of the blankets. 

“He’s awake! How’d you sleep?”

“Hard I’m guessing from how groggy I feel. And my head is killing me,” TJ replied. 

“You didn’t move at all, like AT ALL - for 5 hours. I’d say yes, you were sleeping hard. And your head hurts because you need food.”

TJ was shocked. “5 hours?! What time is it?”

Cyrus looked at his watch. “6:15. You needed it dude, you went without sleep for almost two days. I’m so glad you slept. Your mom came in to check on you a couple of times - you didn’t move even the tiniest bit.” 

TJ’s cheeks flushed ever so slightly, which Cyrus noted.   
“She loves you TJ, she’s worried. You’ve always been close. You needed her to give you space, now you need to let her be your mom. It’s all she knows how to do.” Cyrus stated matter of factly. 

TJ rubbed his face to try and wake himself up. “You’re right. I’ll talk to her. Can I eat first?” He smirked. 

“Aha! See? I told you, sleep! Now you’re hungry. I’m a genius!” 

TJ shook his head ever so slightly in amusement, the pain in his head reminding him how hungry he was. God he wanted pizza. “Is it weird that after 2 days of not eating and feeling horrifically nauseous that all I want is pizza?” 

Cyrus laughed. “Coming from you, Mr. Kippen, that doesn’t surprise me in the least. Do you feel up to ordering pizza and hanging out with your parents for a bit? I just feel like they need to spend some time with you to know that you’re okay. It’s clear that they wanted to respect you and give you space, but the two people I saw this morning are nearly as exhausted as you were from worrying about their son. ” 

When TJ spoke it was barely a whisper. He could feel guilt coursing through him. “I’m swear I’m not ungrateful, I know how lucky I am.” 

“Of course you’re not ungrateful! I don’t think you’re acting that way at all. I know how much you love and respect your parents, and it’s not luck really. Your parents are acting the way they absolutely should - more concerned with your well being than who you’re attracted to - I - I” Cyrus trailed off, cheeks flushed, obviously flustered. 

TJ was silently shaking with laughter from the bed. “You just made the connection right? That you’re talking about yourself? The person I’m attracted to?” The look on Cyrus’ face was unforgettable, total deer in the headlights. TJ wasn’t certain why he found it so endearing, but he did. He continued to watch Cyrus, a fond expression on his face. “I can’t decide whether to bail you out and just continue on with the conversation or to tease you more.”

Cyrus was now bright red, though clearly on the verge of laughter himself. “Damnit TJ! That rant was going somewhere too.” 

He smiled. “Everything you said is right, my parents do deserve to know I’m okay, and I feel like I’m in a place to show them that. I probably should take the time to talk to them both, one on one.”

Cyrus nodded, smiling at TJ. “Good.”

As he headed for the bedroom door TJ smirked. “And hell yes I’m attracted to you.” He walked down the hallway towards the stairs, chuckling as he heard Cyrus groan at his last comment. It was nice to feel light-hearted again, even if it was at Cyrus’ expense. 

*

TJ descended the stairs, Cyrus following closely behind. He could hear tinkering in the kitchen on the other side of the wall. He rounded the corner to find his mom staring into the refrigerator. 

“Hey mom,” TJ said casually, as he sat down on a stool at the island, Cyrus next to him. 

“Hi Bud! You’re awake! How are you?” 

“Better now that I’ve slept I think.”

“Good. I’m just trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Are you hungry?”

“Starving, actually.” His mom couldn’t hide the look of relief on her face. “...but, I was hoping we could order pizza?” 

Cyrus started to giggle and then turned to TJ’s mom. “Are we surprised, really?” 

“What?! Pizza is like a core food group. It has everything you could ever want in a single slice.” He looked at his mom, eyes pleading. “Pleeeease????” He was so hungry he had zero shame. 

She shook her head at him, but she was smiling. “Fine, but let me just say that I’m aware that you’re intentionally playing off of my fears that you were literally going to starve to death.”

“Yes! You’re the best! Where’s Dad? We can watch tv or something once the pizza comes?” 

He knew his mom could read between the lines of his offer. Her face softened. “I’d like that. Cyrus, I think Mr. Kippen is in the backyard getting ready to mow the grass. Could you head out there and tell him we’re going to order pizza? You two figure out the order. He should have his phone.”

Cyrus stood, eyeing TJ closely. TJ nodded, letting Cyrus know he was okay. 

“Of course.” 

As the door to the backyard shut softly, TJ’s mom looked at him. “Can I have a few minutes?”

“Sure.”

“Meet me on the couch, I’m just gonna grab us some water. I’ll be there in a second.”

TJ nodded, heading to the living room and sprawling out on the sofa. Moments later his Mom appeared, carrying two bottles of water. She handed one to him, and shoved his thigh over with her foot. “Scoot over! God kid, I know you’re tall, but you don’t need the entire couch!”

He laughed, and scooted over to make room for her. She sat next to him as he extended his legs and placed them on the coffee table in front of them. He leaned up against his mom and placed his head on her shoulder. 

“You doing okay?” She asked quietly. 

“I think so. Sleeping helped so much, I don’t feel quite so crazy. I’m sorry I was such a mess.”

“Sweetie, you have nothing to apologize for. It killed me, but I had to give you the space you asked for. I think it was necessary. But I felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my body. Knowing how upset you were, and knowing I couldn’t fix it? As your Mom all I ever want to do is fix what hurts.”

TJ took a deep breath before he spoke. “I’ve spent a lot of time in my head in the last two years, trying to sort this all out, deciding what it meant for me. I never wondered how you and dad would react though - I knew that you both would love and respect me the same way you had before you found out. I wasn’t wrong and I’m so grateful. Not everyone gets that reaction. Thank you.”

“Two years huh?” 

TJ nodded in the affirmative. 

You know I wasn’t entirely surprised?”

“Really?”

“I mean, I am your mom. I notice things. I sit in the bleachers at basketball games TJ. I hear the girls talk about you. Did you see TJ? Omg he’s so hot, those green eyes and that hair!’ “ She smirked at her son for a second. “By the way, you got those green eyes that everyone seems to be so crazy about from me. You’re welcome.” He rolled his eyes at her, a smile on his face. “Anyway, it’s been constant for years...and yet I’ve never seen even the slightest bit of reciprocation. Plus, I’d like to think mother’s intuition played a part.”

TJ responded.“Yeah, the girls drive me crazy. Mostly because I feel so bad telling them no over and over again. I’ll be so happy to just tell them I’m gay now and not have to make excuses.”

“Is the plan to be out to everyone?”

“I think so - yeah. I mean no one else gets a confession. I’ve used up all of that energy with you guys and Cyrus, but the plan is to stop hiding. People will figure it out, and yeah, I one hundred percent intend to start telling the girls who ask me out. Hopefully the word will spread. Will you guys handle the extended family? Like either you tell them or they’ll find out when I mention it in casual conversation, but I’m not close enough to any of them to feel like I need to say it personally. Is that wrong?”

“Of course not. No one asked me to go around announcing I was straight to the world as a teenager, nothing different should be expected of you. Your dad and I will always have your back.” She kissed the top of his head, “You can come to us anytime you need anything. Just promise me you know we’re always here.” 

“I do. Thanks Mom.” He lifted his head and turned ever so slightly to place a kiss on her cheek. As he did so he could hear the door to the backyard open, and his dad and Cyrus made their way into the living room. 

“Whose hungry? Pizza should be here in 5!” His dad exclaimed animatedly. 

TJ shifted on the sofa yet again, not moving from his spot cuddled up with his mom, but allowing enough room for Cyrus to sit on his other side. Cyrus smiled softly at TJ, who fondly rolled his eyes. He was comfortable around Cyrus. He might be a 16 year old boy, but he loved his mom and he needed her right now. Thankfully he knew Cyrus understood. 

The rest of the night passed quickly. The boys ate (TJ vowed to never miss a meal again) and watched TV with his parents.The atmosphere was relaxing. They flipped through channels and bounced between sitcoms and basketball games in between conversation. Cyrus had been right, as usual, in that it appeared his parents just needed to see him somewhat back to his old self. They appeared far more at ease and things were starting to feel almost normal again. 

Just before 10pm his Mom and Dad headed to bed. His Mom hugged both boys before heading up the stairs, and reminded TJ that he still needed to catch up on sleep. “I love you Teej...and Cyrus?”

Cyrus turned to meet her gaze. “Yes Mrs. Kippen?”

“Thank you for being there for my boy.” 

“Of course. He’d do the same for me.” He smiled at her softly. With that she turned and continued up the stairs.


	8. Inhale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite boys finally get a chance to really talk...

Chapter 8: Inhale

A short while later found both boys upstairs in TJ’s room. TJ knew it was getting late, but it was so nice to finally feel normal-ish again. Cyrus was sitting at TJ’s desk, looking for a Spotify playlist on his laptop, and TJ was sprawled out on the bed. 

“Hey Underdog?” He asked, hesitantly. 

Cyrus turned from his place at the desk. “Yeah?”

TJ ran a hand through his hair, realizing for the first time all day that this was likely one of the few times Cyrus had ever seen him without hair gel. He found that funny for reasons he couldn’t really explain. “I know you wanted to wait until tomorrow to talk...but, I slept this afternoon you know…” 

Cyrus chuckled, rolling his eyes at TJ. “You are relentless you know that?”

TJ smiled. “I do. But really, I feel like you ended up having a pretty emotional day too, but because you’re Cyrus, you held it together for me. I just want you to know I’m here and ready to listen or talk, whenever. I really am okay now. I’ll have my moments I’m sure as I continue through this process, but I’m okay.”

“Yeah?” Cyrus asked softly. 

“Yeah.” TJ replied. The perfected mask that Cyrus had been wearing all day finally slipped, and TJ could see the vulnerability underneath. 

“Okay.” Cyrus answered. “Let me change real quick alright?” He moved to grab his pajamas out of his backpack. 

“I’ll be here,” TJ replied. Once Cyrus left the room TJ quickly changed into a new pair of basketball shorts and a hoodie, tossing his clothes in his hamper. He flipped the light off as the streetlights and the moon combined were not only bright enough to illuminate his room, but calming as well. He lay down on his bed and waited for Cyrus. 

The brunette didn’t seem phased by the darkness when he returned, he simply crossed the room and sat in the same spot he had occupied earlier that day. This time TJ joined him in leaning against the headboard, letting the silence rest between them. 

Cyrus spoke first, after taking a deep breath. “I feel bad for telling you I liked you today,” he said simply. 

TJ thought for a second. “Bad? Why?”

Cyrus shrugged, “I don’t know, I feel like I stole your moment. It should’ve been you coming out to me, and then nothing more. Not me coming out to you too, and making things more complicated.” 

“You know what I think? I think you took a risk, and it worked out. It only would have made things more complicated if the feelings weren’t mutual, but they are. And let’s be real Cyrus, something’s been going on between us for a long time now. I think we both know that. It’s not like you were totally out of left field, I’m far from subtle, especially when it’s just the two of us. I think it was really brave to confess, and I certainly appreciated having something, I don’t know - happy? to focus on in the midst of my breakdown.” TJ stopped for a moment, and then continued. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Of course.”

“Who have you told that you’re gay?”

Cyrus was quiet for a moment before answering. “Buffy was the first person, just over three years ago.” He inhaled shakily, and then continued with determination. “You’re going to find all of this out anyways, so I might as well get it out of the way. I realized I was gay because I had a huge crush on Jonah. It was just before I turned 13, and the realization was terrifying, especially because Andi liked him too. So I confided in Buffy, and she was incredible. Like the best friend ever. She just kept telling me I was no different. I still replay that mantra in my head when I’m having a rough day,” he huffed a small laugh. 

“Anyways, I finally told Andi at my Bar Mitzvah. She and Jonah were struggling, and I wanted to be able to commiserate with her I guess. Buffy was there too, of course, and in the end it was probably one of my best memories of me and the girls, because I think it cemented the friendship in a way nothing else could have. Does that make sense?”

TJ nodded. “I can imagine. I’ve never had friends like that, but it would make sense that something like that would bond you.”

Cyrus nodded. “It did, for sure. It also increased their need to fiercely protect me - hence their behavior after the gun thing and costume day.”

“Ahhhhh, so much is making sense now…” TJ laughed softly. 

“Anyways, for more than a year that was it, until I finally decided to tell Jonah - at my grandmother’s Shiva of all places. By then my crush on him was long gone. Someone else had come into my life at that point, and the feelings I had for them were so different, so intense, it made me realize that I had really only idolized Jonah, and found him attractive. What I felt for the other guy, it was like next level, and scary in some ways. He did help me establish that I obviously have a type though.”

TJ remained quiet, thoughts whirling. He was still trying to process the slightly uncomfortable feeling he got in his chest upon hearing that Cyrus had liked Jonah, along with whoever this other guy was. It was a lot to take in. “A type huh?” He responded, still not sure how to feel about the whole situation. 

“Yeah...gorgeous green-eyed athletes.” He looked over at TJ sheepishly.

And then it all clicked for TJ. “Wait. I’m the other guy? You’ve liked me for that long?”

“It’s always been you Teej...even before I recognized it. I realized that I had only fallen for the idea of Jonah - compared to how you made me feel, it was suddenly so obvious that Jonah was simply my friend. A good one, for sure, but just a friend.” 

TJ ran his fingers through his hair again before speaking. “Can I ask you something?”

“Obviously, I’m sitting here aren’t I?” was Cyrus’ reply.

“How come I’m the only one you hadn’t told yet? It stings a little Cy. Did you think you couldn’t trust me? I mean I know I didn’t tell you until today, but no one knew about me. I was the only one in your world that didn’t know.” 

“I wondered if you’d ask that. To be clear, my parents don’t know either…”

“Really?”

“Nope. But that’s a whole different story. I’m sorry TJ...I wanted to tell you so badly. I had fallen so hard for you though, and while it felt like something was happening between us, I had no reason to believe you were gay, so I tried to ignore the signs. And I knew if I told you about me that I would end up confessing my feelings. I didn’t want to make it awkward, I couldn’t lose you. This is hard for me to admit, and I’m so, so, so sorry TJ - but I totally fell victim to the stereotype. In my mind you were my athletic, confident, straight best friend.” Cyrus whispered the last few words, not able to look TJ in the eye. 

TJ took a minute to think. “I mean, yeah stereotypes suck. I wish you hadn’t assumed, but I was sending you mixed signals Cy. And let’s face it - this shit is hard. I’m not going to blame you for how you handled it, I think I know better than anyone now that this coming out journey is different for everyone. I - I just have one question.”

“Okay…”

“You know that who I am hasn’t been some desperate attempt at playing straight right? Like, the shit I put Buffy through, the angry me, that was a front for sure, some of it having to do with being scared of my own sexuality, but everything else, it’s me. I’m confident, often to the point of arrogance, I don’t know what I’d do in a world without sports, I’m a risk taker and a smart ass. You know that’s me right? I need to know you fell for the real me.”

“Of course I know that. I didn’t know you were gay remember? But I still liked you. God, like isn’t even a strong enough word Teej. Those things are part of what make you so attractive. I want all of you. As long as this side of you is real too.”

TJ laughed softly. “I mean yeah, of course it is. I reserve this side of me mostly for you because it’s where I feel most comfortable, but it’s me. You get to see more than most people, but I have layers. I’m part the TJ that most of the world sees, but I’m also a lot of other things. Like...completely overwhelmed with how I feel about you. I didn’t think it was possible to care about someone so much, it’s terrifying actually. I’m not awesome with feelings Cy, I know. But please tell me you want this as much as I do? That we’re jumping off this cliff?”

“Oh my god is that even a question? Yes, TJ. Yes. I mean it’s insanely scary, you are so important to me, I’m terrified to think of what could happen if things were to go south...but I can’t just continue pretending that friendship is enough.”

TJ reached for Cyrus’ hand in the dark, shocked for the millionth time by the jolt of electricity that coursed through him when they touched. “We’ve got this Underdog. We’ve clearly paced ourselves to get here, I’m thinking we’re gonna be just fine.”

Cyrus remained quiet for a moment before speaking. . TJ was surprised to notice he sounded...scared? “So, you’re ready to be out completely right?”

“That was my plan...but I have you to think about now too. It’s not just my decision anymore. How do you feel?”

Cyrus sighed. “I’ve gotta tell my parents.”

TJ tightened his grip on Cyrus’ hand as he scooted down the headboard to truly lay down on his bed. He tugged on Cyrus’ hand ever so slightly, convincing him to lay. The other boy did so, and cuddled up to TJ in the process. “Only if you’re ready. What’s stopping you? Do you not think they’ll be okay with it?” TJ hoped with everything he had that wouldn’t be the case. 

Cyrus was quick to reply. “Oh my gosh no, they’ll be fine with it. My mom specializes in adolescent therapy - and all of my parents help kids come to terms with their sexuality everyday. I just - uh - having four therapists for parents isn’t always easy. I’ve always felt like my coming out would be measured against some textbook they’d read or conference they’d attended. Like it feels almost impossible that I would have an original thought they haven’t heard yet? Plus knowing that I’ll be constantly psychoanalyzed to make sure I’m processing in a healthy way? I don’t know - it’s always felt easier to just procrastinate on telling them. I’m sure that sounds dumb.”

“Thank god I don’t live in your house.” TJ clapped his hand over his mouth. “Sorry - that was super insensitive. I just mean yeah, I get where that’d be a lot to deal with. It doesn’t sound dumb. We can wait if you’re not ready.”

Cyrus laughed softly. “Nah, you’re worth it Mr. Kippen. I’ll tell them.”

TJ remembered suddenly about a train of thought he’d had the day before, one he hadn’t had the energy to pursue. “Cy, I don’t think I can tell the others - Andi, Buffy and Marty. I mean I know we’re all close, and I want them to know, but fuck - the exhaustion involved in those conversations - I can’t do it again. I just can’t.”

Cyrus spoke comfortingly. “Hey it’s okay. Are you okay if I tell the girls and Jonah for you? Then we’ll let Buffy tell Marty about both of us. And we’ll both tell our respective parents about” - he held their joined hands together out in front of them - “this?”

“Sounds fair. Although I’m pretty sure my parents know about us...we spend a lot more time here than at your place - and like I said before I’m not subtle with you- my parents probably made that assumption after I came out.” 

Cyrus giggled. “I suppose that’s true.” He yawned. “It’s getting super late - you still need sleep you know.” 

TJ groaned. “I know. But that means one of us has to move to the spare mattress on the floor, especially now - my parents deserve to hear it from me even if they might already know, I can’t let them find us like this...and I should probably wait to see what their rules are going to be before I start figuring out how to break them. And that makes me sad, because this” - he pulled Cyrus closer to him - “is really nice.” His voice was soft. 

“I’ve got to be dreaming, none of this makes sense. How did I land the captain of the basketball team?”

TJ snorted and rolled his eyes. “Isn’t it obvious? By being kind and patient with someone who was struggling to figure out a lot of things all at once. By giving me way more chances than I deserved, by being honest and transparent. By being quirky and funny and just generally adorable. Because your hair is always perfect, because you make my heart race by just walking in a room.” He was whispering now. “Because I feel like I’m falling when I look in your eyes, and that’s kind of an addicting feeling.” 

Cyrus appeared speechless, which was what TJ had been going for. He turned towards him. “You know that was my first kiss today?” 

The other boy looked surprised. “Really? I figured you’d at least kissed a girl or two.”

“Nope. I didn’t expect to be crying, but somehow it worked. I’m so glad it was you Cy.”

“Kiss me again?”

TJ was more than willing to oblige. He leaned in, stopping just short of Cyrus’ lips, breathing in the air between them before softly touching Cyrus’ lips with his own. He felt Cyrus sigh ever so softly, his body relaxing into TJ’s. He increased the pressure, and suddenly there were fireworks exploding in the pit of his stomach. His hands, one on Cyrus’ cheek, the other still intertwined with the other boy’s wedged in between them, were shaking. Now that he wasn’t an emotional wreck, he could focus on the pure euphoria that kissing Cyrus made him feel. It was addicting. They pulled apart for air, and Cyrus intook a sharp breath. “Whoa.”

“Right?” TJ chuckled. “I could do that all night, but I’m gonna attempt to exercise some self-control,” he stated as he untangled himself from Cyrus and stood up. He pulled the stow-away mattress under his bed out, and began hunting for blankets in his closet. Cyrus started to get up as well.

“What do you think you’re doing?” TJ asked, a smirk on his face.

“Ummm...moving to the mattress on the floor….so we can go to sleep?” Cyrus answered, obviously confused.

TJ smiled softly. “Take my bed Cy, I’ll sleep on the floor. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t give up my bed for you?”

TJ could see Cyrus’ grin even in the near dark. “Boyfriend huh? I’m never gonna get tired of that.” 

“Me either,” TJ whispered softly. Then he took a deep breath and smiled. The suffocating feeling was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! I plan to continue to add stories to the Discovery series...I've found a groove with the characters being around 16 -I've got a lot more ideas revolving around this same universe. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life, and tried to bring some of what I have experienced to life with TJ's struggle. I'd love comments!


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